Exploring the Hidden Struggles of Motherhood: Guilt, Coping, and Self-Care
Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t handle one more hug, one more touch, without feeling like you might burst?
If so, you’re not alone. Recently, I stumbled upon an article on TODAY.com, the article described ‘touched out’ as an overwhelming discomfort from constant physical touch after being immersed in it all day. Dr. Linda Ojo, a reproductive psychiatrist, likened it to a sensation of wanting to crawl out of your own skin if one more person touches you. And let me tell you, that description hit home.
As moms, we’re often expected to be the ultimate source of comfort and affection for our children. Whether it’s breastfeeding a baby, soothing a crying toddler, or simply being a human jungle gym for our kids, physical touch is an integral part of our daily lives. But what happens when that constant need for touch becomes too much to bear?
What struck me most about the article was the mention of guilt – the guilt that accompanies feeling ‘touched out.’ It’s a feeling many of us moms are familiar with but rarely discuss openly. We worry that admitting we need a break from physical touch somehow makes us less loving or capable as parents. But the truth is, it’s a completely normal and natural response to the demands of motherhood.
In sharing my thoughts and reflections on this topic, my hope is to bring awareness to the commonality of feeling ‘touched out’ among moms and to break down the stigma and guilt associated with it. Let’s open up the conversation and support each other in navigating the complex emotions that come with motherhood – guilt-free and with compassion for ourselves.
As a mental health professional, I aim to shed light on the common yet often misunderstood phenomenon known as being ‘touched out.’ This term, encapsulates the overwhelming discomfort experienced by mothers after being immersed in physical touch throughout the day.
Imagine this scenario:
You’re a mom, spending your day tending to the needs of your breastfeeding baby, while simultaneously wrangling a curious toddler who constantly seeks your attention. Every moment seems to be filled with demands for physical contact – whether it’s a tiny hand grasping at your ankles, a finger poking in your ear, or simply the weight of your child cuddling against you. Eventually, it reaches a point where the mere thought of another touch feels suffocating, as if you might ‘crawl out of your skin.’
This sensation of being ‘touched out’ is not limited to stay-at-home moms. Working moms, too, navigate the delicate balance between their professional responsibilities and the demands of motherhood. Despite spending a significant portion of their day away from their children, they may find themselves bombarded with physical touch upon returning home – whether it’s from their kids seeking comfort or partners desiring affection.
So, how does being ‘touched out’ affect mothers in different aspects of their lives?
For starters, it can take a toll on their mental and emotional well-being. Constantly being touched and pulled in various directions can leave moms feeling drained, irritable, and overwhelmed. It can also strain their relationships, as partners and family members may not fully understand or empathize with their need for space and boundaries.
Coping with and alleviating the feelings of being ‘touched out’ is essential for maintaining your mental and emotional well-being as a mom. First and foremost, it’s crucial to communicate openly with your loved ones about your needs and boundaries. Whether it’s setting aside designated ‘me time’ each day or enlisting the help of a trusted caregiver to provide respite, prioritizing self-care is essential.
Additionally, finding moments of solitude and relaxation can work wonders for restoring your sense of balance and rejuvenating your spirit. Whether it’s indulging in a warm bath, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or simply enjoying a quiet cup of tea, carving out time for yourself is not selfish – it’s a necessity for your well-being.
Lastly, remember that you are not alone in experiencing the feelings of being ‘touched out.’ Reach out to other moms in your community or seek support from a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health. Sharing your experiences and receiving validation from others who understand can be incredibly validating and empowering.
Here are some strategies to help you navigate this common experience:
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to establish boundaries around physical touch, both with your children and with others. Communicate your needs openly and assertively with your family members, letting them know when you need space or time alone.
Schedule ‘Me Time’: Carve out dedicated time each day for self-care and solitude. Whether it’s early in the morning before everyone else wakes up or in the evening after the kids have gone to bed, prioritize activities that help you recharge and relax.
Delegate Responsibilities: Don’t be afraid to ask for help or delegate tasks to your partner, family members, or trusted caregivers. Sharing the load of childcare and household responsibilities can alleviate some of the physical and emotional demands on you.
Practice Mindfulness: Incorporate mindfulness and relaxation techniques into your daily routine to help manage stress and promote a sense of calm. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, and yoga can all be effective ways to ground yourself and reduce feelings of overwhelm.
Find Solitude: Seek out moments of solitude throughout your day, even if it’s just for a few minutes at a time. Whether you retreat to a quiet corner of your home, take a short walk outside, or simply close your eyes and breathe deeply, prioritizing moments of peace and quiet can be incredibly rejuvenating.
Engage in Self-Care Activities: Make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of your role as a mom. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, indulging in a favorite pastime, or simply pampering yourself with a bubble bath or a good book, investing in self-care is essential for your overall well-being.
Seek Support: Reach out to other moms in your community or seek support from a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health. Sharing your experiences and receiving validation from others who understand can be incredibly comforting and empowering.
Remember, it’s not selfish to prioritize your own needs and well-being. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to show up fully for your children and loved ones. You deserve kindness, compassion, and understanding – both from others and from yourself. By acknowledging and addressing these feelings, you can reclaim your sense of balance and rediscover the joy and fulfillment in motherhood. You deserve it, mom.
